so on my other blog (a more public one) i have this young girl whom has an eeating disorder. i gave her my tough love, and also told her i was here for her.
i feel scared for her.. she posted a pic of herself.. all i saw was a con-caved belly and ribs that i could count without touching her.

it hurts. i want to save her! i want to take away the bad!
it hurts that i can not...

i want to save them all- all the poor helpless souls on there- i want to hold them and love them. i want to save them! i want to show them that the world doesn't have to be only horrible.

xoxo

they call me beautiful..

but i know im not- i just wish i were. i have this other blog- thought its not reall a blog... just another place i feel safe.
on there i have become this idol.. they tell me they all wish they could be like me.. i feel bad.. caus i know in my heart that who they see... well.. its not me. i don't love who i am.. i wish to be someone  different everyday.. but to give them hope.. i pretend i am.

i hate who i am. i cannot love. i can not e happy. i can not be content with who i am. i hate myself. though.. i want to love me.

i cry a lot. deep hard long sobs.
i don't know how to escape this pain.
i don't know how to love, feel emotion,.. anything.

i want to be saved.
i wish to be saved.