wow...
im now in college. i have classes. friends. the best teachers. i love it.
god has worked miracles in my lifee. like forreallll!!!!!
im so blessed. my high school sent me a bunch of stuff. like food, supplies, dorm stuff. im so blessed to have them in my lifeee!!!!!!!!
im so happy. i get to learn more. && i love the fact that i can be what i want to be. i LOVE IT!
thank you GOD.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
breath && smile
it all works out how its supposed to.
i keep telling myself to breath deep && smile; its gonna workout.
cuz i know it has to work. it will. [: now its patience. i sit && wait. scary but i know its the rigth thing to do.
im still sad bout my parents my tlking to me; but i guess thats life. i mean, i made mistakes. i admit it. i said some mean shit to them. && i was rebellious. but i want to make amends. obviously they don't. && its sad. cuz i know now i don't have a family. but ya know, its okay. cuz i can make my family. im sad cuz... i want to make it right. i want to with all of me. but its not possible when they don'y wanna tlk. some friends told me to drop it && not try that pah anymore that if they want closure as bad as i they will contact back. && i guess they are right... though im still heartbroken
<3 brii
i keep telling myself to breath deep && smile; its gonna workout.
cuz i know it has to work. it will. [: now its patience. i sit && wait. scary but i know its the rigth thing to do.
im still sad bout my parents my tlking to me; but i guess thats life. i mean, i made mistakes. i admit it. i said some mean shit to them. && i was rebellious. but i want to make amends. obviously they don't. && its sad. cuz i know now i don't have a family. but ya know, its okay. cuz i can make my family. im sad cuz... i want to make it right. i want to with all of me. but its not possible when they don'y wanna tlk. some friends told me to drop it && not try that pah anymore that if they want closure as bad as i they will contact back. && i guess they are right... though im still heartbroken
<3 brii
Saturday, August 14, 2010
over me.
sometimes idk what to do..
i txted my parents && facebooked them like i told you... but...
nothing.... && now when september 1st rolls around im going to be homeless.
&& im so sacred. all i do is cry.
something needs to work. im lost.
i txted my parents && facebooked them like i told you... but...
nothing.... && now when september 1st rolls around im going to be homeless.
&& im so sacred. all i do is cry.
something needs to work. im lost.
Friday, August 13, 2010
family.
family.
such a strong word for me. i've alwasy been scared i'd never have one to go home to. to see && tlk to. im scared. cuz what if my worst nightmare came true. && i am always alone. i've alwasy felt family is the MOST important thing in this world. i want to get married && have a child of my own. then adopt if all works how i want. but rigth now. im scared cuz i don't have anyone. i don't have someone to look at and tlk to. && its my fault && i regret it ALL. && let me tell you. i have never regreted anything.
i want my family back. i want to have that agian. its's so true. you don't know what you got til its gone... .. .
im alone. scared. && hungry for love.
such a strong word for me. i've alwasy been scared i'd never have one to go home to. to see && tlk to. im scared. cuz what if my worst nightmare came true. && i am always alone. i've alwasy felt family is the MOST important thing in this world. i want to get married && have a child of my own. then adopt if all works how i want. but rigth now. im scared cuz i don't have anyone. i don't have someone to look at and tlk to. && its my fault && i regret it ALL. && let me tell you. i have never regreted anything.
i want my family back. i want to have that agian. its's so true. you don't know what you got til its gone... .. .
im alone. scared. && hungry for love.
love. not reality
love is everything you make it. love comes from who you want to feel it from. btu most of all... love is complicated. mathias and i are amazing. and i told him today that i may go live with my parents in another state. he, as loving as he is, told me to do as i must. gahhh! i love this man. he is my everything. it's amazing how much he understands im trying to find my life.... im looking for where i belong. i told him, that i know i belong there with them. and he respects that choice. i love him and i know, i will end up marrying this man and having his kids. but for now... im young. im looking and searching for the woman within; its amazing he respects that.
i facebooked my mother this morning at 4am. i was up alll night crying. mathias had fallen asleep so i could not text him. but in my heart, i felt a pull to contact her. i did. im now waiting for a response. you see, im 18 && im homeless. i am currently staying with a former foster parent btu she is leaving september 1st to go visit family. so, i don't have a home. &7 for teh longest now i've been thinking about my family. && i miss them. i also realize how horrible i was as a daughter. thats mainly wat the letter was about. an apology for not being the daughter they deserved. i look back && i see so much i did that hurt them. && im ashamed. they were the only ones in the span of my life who tried. && i did them wrong cuz i didn't realize that they were doing exactly wat i needed them to do. im homeless && its my fault. i drove them away; though i don't expect them to reply... i sure hope they will. i do love them && care so much.
i miss the hugs. && love i felt. i miss feeling safe. i miss being stable && haveing support. but the reason i don't have it is my fault. i chose to leave. i know, whats meat to be will be. && everything thats supposed to happen will. i just hope it happens soon. cuz i feel myself slipping.
i facebooked my mother this morning at 4am. i was up alll night crying. mathias had fallen asleep so i could not text him. but in my heart, i felt a pull to contact her. i did. im now waiting for a response. you see, im 18 && im homeless. i am currently staying with a former foster parent btu she is leaving september 1st to go visit family. so, i don't have a home. &7 for teh longest now i've been thinking about my family. && i miss them. i also realize how horrible i was as a daughter. thats mainly wat the letter was about. an apology for not being the daughter they deserved. i look back && i see so much i did that hurt them. && im ashamed. they were the only ones in the span of my life who tried. && i did them wrong cuz i didn't realize that they were doing exactly wat i needed them to do. im homeless && its my fault. i drove them away; though i don't expect them to reply... i sure hope they will. i do love them && care so much.
i miss the hugs. && love i felt. i miss feeling safe. i miss being stable && haveing support. but the reason i don't have it is my fault. i chose to leave. i know, whats meat to be will be. && everything thats supposed to happen will. i just hope it happens soon. cuz i feel myself slipping.
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