finally. we move in tomorrow. only problem? ALLLLLLL of our money goes to rent. no food. no nothing. next friday there is another paycheck that comes in... and we can get food then. but not before.... we are going to make this work. one way or another. i swearrrr.
im stressed to the max. my hormones are still wacked out so thats not helping... but idk... idk what we will do. somethign though... lol
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
this feeling
i talked to megan's mom... she says its normal to be angry at mike.. even though its not his fault.
i keep wondering if its my fault... i mean it is my body.. and i feel like it has forsaken me, betrayed me when it was supposed to work right...
im lost. and very confused.... it hurts. and i cry.
i keep wondering if its my fault... i mean it is my body.. and i feel like it has forsaken me, betrayed me when it was supposed to work right...
im lost. and very confused.... it hurts. and i cry.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
a break
for a WEEK! (: YAY. i get some me time.
its looong over due. i love him- but this clingy shit he does is smothering me to death.. and making me resent him (at times)
i cant stand clingy. i cant stand him trying to be controlling. i cant stand his anger.
yet. he is in full denial.. even after hitting me.
im seriously fed up. hopefully this week will help me.
not only that- i had a miscariage.. i was two and a half months... and its gone.. he's so non-understanding about it... this gives me time to deal..
i told no one except mike and three bffs i was prego.. they were helping me through it all- and now that i lost it.. they feel like they lost it too.. and then there's mike... being a dick. ( id didnt even tell you cause i know there is someone i know reading these... i was scared to disappoint ppl i know.. and he didnt want family drama over it....
idk i have soooo may questions.. im so confused.. i have all these feelings.. and i cry... i just.. feel so sad now. idk what to do or how im supposed to feel or when its supposed to end...
its looong over due. i love him- but this clingy shit he does is smothering me to death.. and making me resent him (at times)
i cant stand clingy. i cant stand him trying to be controlling. i cant stand his anger.
yet. he is in full denial.. even after hitting me.
im seriously fed up. hopefully this week will help me.
not only that- i had a miscariage.. i was two and a half months... and its gone.. he's so non-understanding about it... this gives me time to deal..
i told no one except mike and three bffs i was prego.. they were helping me through it all- and now that i lost it.. they feel like they lost it too.. and then there's mike... being a dick. ( id didnt even tell you cause i know there is someone i know reading these... i was scared to disappoint ppl i know.. and he didnt want family drama over it....
idk i have soooo may questions.. im so confused.. i have all these feelings.. and i cry... i just.. feel so sad now. idk what to do or how im supposed to feel or when its supposed to end...
Sunday, December 4, 2011
rant. nothing about nothing.
Mike, Tara (our freind) and I are getting our first apartment together (: this friday we move in and im so exciteddd!
however- the point of this one today is to vent about shit. lol! well, i decided to talk to mike lastnight (7th time) about needing space- he finally.. after two hours of crying.. understood it wasnt his fault, i just like to have me time and do stuff with the girls.
like- he is so amazing to be around. but i want my space. he's the clingy type. im not at all.
idkkk- we are different, and honestly- its what works, i just need space and its all gooood~
another thing- his god forsaken parents. and gtrandparents. SO LIKE, can i explain to you what the fuck is actually going on?
he comes from upper class.. HIGH upper class. and his parents dissapprove of me. they (ive heard them on the phone with him) say they want better. he'll ask what they mean and they say "we want a girl who has a family and money.. not someone who has no one." and mike goes into this spill about how much he loves me and how amazing i am blah bah blahhh. hah (:
well noooow. they HATE ME. he asks his dad why and he goes " i just do" ... there is never a clear answer. not only that his dad, try to lie on me- then mike demanded to know who said it and he admitted to making up stuff.
not only that- they tried so hard to shelter him from te world and since im here- he sees the independence and what that includes and he is very eager to get there... whith that said i fully realize its not about me.. they just dont want their baby to grow up and live his life- unfortunately i fell in love with him and they are terrified that he wont follow their plan.. (and he's not) its his life. he is old enough to make decisions for himself. he doesnt wear diapers nor does he need his parents to hold his hand.
they are just idiots cause the thing about mike, he WANTS them there for him- but cause he wont listen to every thing they tell him they are trying to hurt him so he will come crawling back.
idk they are stuuupid. mike wants them to accept him. he is in deep desire of the accpetance of me as well. .... i guess im so used to not having it- i dont search anymore.... hmm..
all im saying is- WHERE are the ADULTS in this fucking world?! im sick of the petty bullshit.
also his mom is starting to get to the petty level. and im sick of them all.
either way. everyone needs to clean their act UP.
however- the point of this one today is to vent about shit. lol! well, i decided to talk to mike lastnight (7th time) about needing space- he finally.. after two hours of crying.. understood it wasnt his fault, i just like to have me time and do stuff with the girls.
like- he is so amazing to be around. but i want my space. he's the clingy type. im not at all.
idkkk- we are different, and honestly- its what works, i just need space and its all gooood~
another thing- his god forsaken parents. and gtrandparents. SO LIKE, can i explain to you what the fuck is actually going on?
he comes from upper class.. HIGH upper class. and his parents dissapprove of me. they (ive heard them on the phone with him) say they want better. he'll ask what they mean and they say "we want a girl who has a family and money.. not someone who has no one." and mike goes into this spill about how much he loves me and how amazing i am blah bah blahhh. hah (:
well noooow. they HATE ME. he asks his dad why and he goes " i just do" ... there is never a clear answer. not only that his dad, try to lie on me- then mike demanded to know who said it and he admitted to making up stuff.
not only that- they tried so hard to shelter him from te world and since im here- he sees the independence and what that includes and he is very eager to get there... whith that said i fully realize its not about me.. they just dont want their baby to grow up and live his life- unfortunately i fell in love with him and they are terrified that he wont follow their plan.. (and he's not) its his life. he is old enough to make decisions for himself. he doesnt wear diapers nor does he need his parents to hold his hand.
they are just idiots cause the thing about mike, he WANTS them there for him- but cause he wont listen to every thing they tell him they are trying to hurt him so he will come crawling back.
idk they are stuuupid. mike wants them to accept him. he is in deep desire of the accpetance of me as well. .... i guess im so used to not having it- i dont search anymore.... hmm..
all im saying is- WHERE are the ADULTS in this fucking world?! im sick of the petty bullshit.
also his mom is starting to get to the petty level. and im sick of them all.
either way. everyone needs to clean their act UP.
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